In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to let our relationships suffer. Whether it’s with our spouse, children, friends, or family members, the health of our connections often hinges on one crucial factor: the state of our hearts.
Today, let’s explore how we can unlock love and nurture thriving relationships by focusing on two key principles:
1) Entrusting our hearts to God above and 2) Healing the hearts of those we love.
The Tale of Two Paths
Imagine this scenario: It’s late at night, and you’re scrolling through social media in bed, pushing your partner’s patience to the limit. The atmosphere grows tense, and you can feel it. In the early hours of the morning, your partner expresses their frustration. Now, you’re faced with two choices:
Option A: Defensiveness. “You’re angry at me for just ten minutes of extra online reading? I’m an adult; I can do what I want! Don’t treat me like a child. You got yourself worked up and didn’t sleep – that’s not my problem!”
Option B: Humility and kindness. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ve been spending too much time on social media, especially at bedtime. I’ll try to be on my phone less.”
Which path leads to healing, and which to further conflict?
The answer is clear. Option B, rooted in humility and kindness, can turn things around in a moment. It’s a small miracle, but choosing this path can lead to profound healing and strengthening of the relationship.
The Heart of the Matter
At the core of our relational struggles lies the state of our hearts.
Proverbs 28:14 (NIV) tells us, “Blessed is the one who always trembles before God, but whoever hardens their heart falls into trouble.”
This verse reveals a fundamental truth: a soft, humble heart that reveres God leads to blessings, while a hardened heart leads to trouble – often in our relationships.
When we harden our hearts, we make a choice.
We choose to hold onto resentment, pride, and blame instead of setting our eyes on the Lord. This hardness blinds us to our own faults, distorts our perspective, and can lead us to wound those closest to us.
The good news? We have the power to choose differently. We can choose to soften our hearts, to humble ourselves before God, and to take responsibility for our part in relational conflicts.
Entrusting Our Hearts to God
The first step in unlocking love is to entrust our hearts to God. This means coming before Him in humility and repentance. If we’re experiencing the opposite of the fruit of the Spirit – a lack of love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, or self-control – it’s a sign that our hearts need realignment with God.
We cannot claim a great relationship with God while our earthly relationships are falling apart.
Matthew 5:23-24 reminds us of the importance of reconciliation before worship: “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
First be reconciled. First go and make right where there’s relational strain. God isn’t interested in our worship if we neglect our relationships. The above passage speaks about coming to the altar, the place of sacrifice before God, and the gift we bring is first and foremost ourselves.
We need to surrender our hearts to God, to entrust Him with our being. Finding a safe space with God allows Him to heal our hearts, restore our joy and peace, and give us eyes to see our relationships as He does.
It’s in this place of surrender that we can receive the new heart promised in Ezekiel 36:26-27: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.”
Healing the Hearts of Those We Love
With our own hearts softened and renewed by God, we’re equipped to heal the hearts of those around us. This healing often begins with three brave actions:
Apologize: Own your mistakes and shortcomings. A genuine apology can work wonders in restoring a damaged relationship.
Forgive: Let go of bitterness and past grievances. Forgiveness sets both the forgiver and the forgiven free.
Forget: Choose to focus on the good rather than dwelling on past hurts. Cultivate thankfulness and see your loved ones through God’s eyes.
Practical steps to heal hearts include speaking kind words, investing time and effort into the relationship, and consistently working on improving your interactions.
Remember, it’s not about quick fixes but a lifelong commitment to nurturing love.
Affair-Proofing Your Relationships
By consistently applying these principles – entrusting your heart to God and actively working to heal the hearts of those you love – you create an environment where love thrives and temptations lose their power. This isn’t just about marital fidelity; it’s about building strong, resilient relationships in all areas of life.
Recognize the causes of a hardened heart:
- Sin: Allowing our hearts to drift into fleshly desires can harden us.
- Neglect: Failing to invest in our relationships leads to a loss of connection.
- Distance: Drifting away from God and our loved ones creates barriers.
- Destructive speech: The words we speak reflect and reinforce the state of our hearts.
By addressing these issues head-on and consistently choosing the path of humility and love, we can create relationships that are not just surviving, but thriving.
A Call to Action
As we reflect on these truths, let’s challenge ourselves to take concrete steps towards unlocking love in our relationships:
- Spend time daily entrusting your heart to God, allowing Him to soften any areas of hardness.
- Identify one relationship that needs healing and commit to speaking words of kindness and appreciation to that person this week.
- If there’s a conflict you’ve been avoiding, take the brave step of initiating reconciliation.
- Practice gratitude by listing three things you appreciate about your spouse, child, or friend each day.
Remember, the state of our hearts determines the state of our relationships.
By choosing to cultivate a soft heart before God and actively working to heal the hearts of those around us, we unlock the potential for deep, lasting, and fulfilling connections.
What do you think?
How can we position ourselves where we can have soft hearts? And how can we heal our relationships? Share in the comments below.
PS: For more on this, watch the message I shared from this past Sunday.
